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I'm blogging..Why?

The Mommy's Mind has been on my heart for some time now. I wanted a space to connect with other mother's who may have experienced some of what I have over the last six years.

I was diagnosed with PCOS ( polycystic ovary synrdrome) when I was 25 years old. I knew young that conceiving naturally wasn't going to be a reality for me. Since 2014 I have experienced multiple infertility treatments, two miscarriages, a high risk twin pregnancy, premature birth, a 40 day NICU stay, birth trauma, postpartum depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder.

I have also been a constant advocate for my twin boys Austin and Brady who experienced developmental delays due to premature birth. I have experience in infant physical therapy, toddler speech, occupational and physical therapy, IEP meetings where I've had to fight for the services my children deserved.

In my mind for many years- the reason my children needed this help was all of my fault. My body brought them into this world too early. I was ashamed when they were born that I didn't do better for them. The mom guilt was real and I was sad, depressed, anxious and blaming myself for each milestone my boy's hit late.

Twelve months ago I entered into therapy with the most amazing counselor. Austin and Brady had just turned four and I was blaming myself for every shortcoming they experienced due to prematurity. I would hear over and over again inside my head " if you were just stronger, and they were able to stay inside your body just a little longer- they wouldn't have to be constantly playing catch up to their peers." I'm happy to report that I no longer allow myself to carry this blame and guilt because their entrance into this world was completely out of my control. ( It's taken a lot of therapy to say that statement and actually believe it.)

I've struggled finding balance in my new mom life. Don't we all? Who are we when we become moms? Where is the YOU that's separate from the wife and mother. What is your regime of self care? I'm sure you've heard that you can't pour from an empty cup. As moms we pour into everything and everyone around us- our partners, work, kids, our homes, volunteer commitments, etc. and more often then not we lose who we were before we were moms. I'm still working on it- but little by little I am finding ME again while also being ALL of the things to everyone else.

I attended a women's conference in January where I took three whole days to focus on myself. I was challenged to find my WHY. WHY do I get up every morning besides having to care for my loved ones and work to pay the bills. What purpose do I have in this world that I need to share? What can I give that might help others?

My WHY- is here- The Mommy's Mind. I truly believe in sharing my experiences and bringing awareness to Maternal Mental Health that I can help other women in some way. Maybe it's just in finding daily gratitude, tips for NICU survival or encouraging hope to the mom struggling through infertility treatments. Maybe it's showing you that therapy can help your birth trauma and PPD- you can be happy and you deserve to be happy.

I hope you will join me on my new journey- The Mommy's Mind- and share this blog with any woman you think could use some mom encouragement.



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